Tag: relationships

How Family is Who You Love, Not Who You’re Related To

Family is traditionally defined as a group of people closely related to one another either by adoption, blood or marriage. Family can also be your extended family. Traditionally, family is your parents and your siblings, however, and most people will also have some extended family members. This means your grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces/nephews, and cousins. 

Family, however, is not limited to people you’re related to by blood. Family can also be people you feel are kindred spirits and a close-knit group of people bound by love and friendship. Family is always who you love, not who you’re related to.

The idea of family being who you’re related to has caused many people harm because not all families are good families. Some families are abusive, manipulative, and dysfunctional. Such a family can make one feel lonely and deserted, especially since we live in a society full of mostly nuclear families. This makes people think that once their nuclear family isn’t loving, they have no family. This is not true. Family is much more than blood, and you can make your family. You can create your own family with people and friends you love. To create a good, happy and healthy family, you’ll need these qualities.

Qualities of a Happy and Healthy Family

  1. Patience – Patience is necessary for a good family. Members of the family should be patient with each other. Patience is a way to show love. Even when they’re being annoying be patient and wait it out. Patience is the best way to show love.
  1. Kindness – Being kind doesn’t equal being nice all the time or saying yes to all demands. Being kind means being considerate, friendly and generous towards members of your family.
  1. Peace – Peace is necessary for a healthy family. Arguments, noise and rage are things that we do not find enjoyable. Of course there’ll be arguments, but members of a family should never feel unloved or despised after a fight. Even when you argue you should still know that you are loved.
  1. Joy – Choosing joy in all situations. Tough times don’t last, but tough people do.
  1. Love – Show love through devotion, kindness, patience and sacrifice. Love must be shown through action. It’s not enough to say you love someone you have to show you love someone. Love is not disrespectful, and love doesn’t disregard your boundaries. Love doesn’t give an ultimatum, and love does not hurt.

Other qualities include being gentle and having self-control. If you’re in a traditional family where you’re being abused, belittled, manipulated or disregarded, then that is not your family. Those are simply people you are related to by blood. Family must have these qualities. A healthy family should be a safe space from all the trials in the world. If your family produces all your trials, then they are not the best family for you.

Of course, it’s difficult to cut off from your traditional family, and it may hurt, but you must do what it is best for you. Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who show you love, who show that they want you in their life. People who respect you and love you.

Texting versus Talking: How We are Dumbing Down Our Relationships

Communication is one of the tenets of a healthy relationship, but it’s quite sad that a lot of people are not communicating the right way. The issue of texting versus talking is one of the biggest pitfalls in relationships. A lot of us have comfortably replaced taking with texting, forgetting that they play different roles.

Texting has become a primary mode of communication in relationships because it is convenient. It is both a good thing and a bad thing. It can help to develop a strong connection in your relationship, but it’s bad if you ditch talking for texting. There is a problem when you feel comfortable with texting alone.

Talking helps to understand true feelings. You can easily detect how a person feels from the rise and fall of their tone. Anyone can text behind a phone due to loneliness or boredom, but talking to someone in person about your real feelings and fears is different.

Texting versus Talking: When to Text

·       You can text your partner when you want to pass a light compliment.

·       Text when you are in a noisy place, meeting, or where the other person can’t talk.

·       Text when you are communicating about logistics (i.e., where to meet, time, or when you are running late).

·       Text when you want to share a photo.

When to Talk

·       Call or talk in person when you are angry or want to tender an apology.

·       Call or talk in person when you want to say an appreciation or express your love for them.

·       Call or talk in person about how much you miss them.

·       Call or talk in person when you want to have a serious conversation.

Why You Should Do More of Talking than Texting

Talking feels more real than texting. You know what they sound like. You know if they have a funny accent. Talking feels more human, while texting feels robotic. There are lots of unusual mistakes that can go unnoticed between spellcheck and Siri while texting.

Texting is a horrible mode to settle a conflict. Texting is hostile to conflict resolution. Never do it. Words can be misinterpreted when we can’t hear the tone of the other person’s voice. Texting is more accusatory, because it doesn’t have a tone. The other person may read your text according to their mood, and anger escalates from that. If you want to resolve conflicts with your partner, you should either call them or meet up in person.

Talking strengthens connection. You can build a great connection and vibe through talking rather than texting. Texting can be monotonous and stale after a while, but there is dynamism in talking. The sound of chuckles and giggles can help you build a stronger connection. Enough of “LOL.”

Texting is not a tool for long conversations. It’s wrong to hold a long conversation through texts. Sending long texts can be annoying to the person at the receiving end. Consider if they do not have so much time to attend to your lengthy text. The best way to have long conversations is through talking. Meet up or call them rather than give them an epistle to read.

Conclusively, we have to stop dumbing down our relationship by hiding behind the screen. We should learn to talk more.